017 - What is Asian America?

To provide some closure for the last post, there was a possibility I might have had cancer. Luckily, the test results proved otherwise, and for the moment I have nothing to worry about. Though I am kind of pissed that I was called home for nothing...

Tangent.

What is an Asian American? To me, an Asian American was someone of Asian heritage born or raised for a majority of their life in America. That's the cut and paste definition, but...after a few experiences I'm having a harder and harder time accepting that as how to define someone as APA.

To me, the term "Asian American" has two strings of meaning. One is the biological aspect, the physical genetics that give us black hair and smaller eyes. This is the defining characteristic that will always determine whether someone is APA or not.

The other string, however, is the mental and attitudinal aspect. A person who sees themselves as APA will accept their heritage to a certain depth.

The second string is, to me, a rather elitist take on what it means to be APA that I know I hold but would rather not. In my mind, the minute a person does not identify themselves with an APA issue (media representation, model minority complex and the psychological impact, etc) they are somehow "less" of an Asian-American, though I know that to be false as not only is it wrong, it leaves us with simply the genetic aspect.

I find it VERY hard to believe that a person can be classified as APA just because of their genetic makeup...or at least I did. This past week I sat down and had a very interesting conversation with a few Korean adoptees. Please note that these kids are my age and are very well adjusted with their identities as Korean-American adoptees (they work at the Korean equivalent of my Japanese language camp, showing that they have embraced and have been allowed to embrace their genetic heritage as Korean Adoptees). This conversation has been the basis for a few days of thought on this subject...

Listening to them talk was such an eye opener because despite the fact that they did not have APA parents and despite the fact that they have no knowledge of their lives before America beyond a few pieces of paper which are either incomplete or false, their experiences mirror the experiences of so many other APA youths of different background, though with different content. A girl (who we're going to call C) remarked that when an adoptee is called "Chink" in school, they can't go home to parents who can explain what it means to them or who have felt the same pain they are going through. If we look at the case of many second generation youth, many have gone through the same though due to language or social barriers. Another girl, M, described her experiences at a camp for Korean adoptees saying how the camps provided them a "safehouse", uniting them with other adopted youth. One look at Asian clubs across the country which provide a place where it's alright to be "Asian" gives off similar, though not the same, comfort for APA youth, especially recent immigrants and the children of.

Especially eye opening, however, was D, who described how he came to learn Korean. He is a very unique case in that he had a very complete file, and went to Korea to meet his family in 2001, a trip which provided extra motivation for him to learn the language. I listened as he described feeling different from other adoptees due to his language ability and level of cultural understanding, watching as he described his place between communities, feeling the anger he gave off in every word...and was amazed at how he mirrored my experience as an APA. I never felt in my life like someone so closely mirrored my own experience and how I feel as a Japanese-American teenager. I started learning Japanese after learning that my family still has contact with relatives in Japan and I am not like any other Yonsei I've ever met, being able to speak the language and feeling so passionate about what happened to my people and what has become of my generation it fills me with rage.

Listening to him talk brought me to a few realizations about the APA community, but also about myself. I don't know and I don't think this is why he does things, but I realized that I came back to Mori no Ike year after year not only because I love it, but also because it gives me a chance to prove to myself and the world that a fourth generation Japanese American can express himself in a language and a culture his grandparents were told to forget. It gives me a chance to teach a culture I never got the chance to learn about because I had been told to lose it 60 years ago. Hearing him talk about how he felt almost like a big brother or a protector to the adoptees who come to the camp made me think of every Japanese-American kid I taught who I had spent extra energy on, trying to give them back something they may not want but they had lost with the barbed wire and horse stalls our great grandparents, grandparents, and parents endured.

What is an Asian American? I've tried to answer this question for so long, assuming I had an answer. This country is only 250 years old and there is no Asia until we step off the boat at Angel Island, joining the great checkbox, a tangle of communities. Asian America will find itself eventually in a time when there will be no more need for Asian America.

For the time being, we're all just humans who find reflection in others. Some people just make better mirrors than others.