039 - 2008

Well 2008 is 3 hours old.

I've been in a bed with a sinus infection and if I were intelligent I would be asleep at the moment, but I'm not, so instead I'm blogging my way to an early grave.

What a year. I broke up with my *first* girlfriend, got my first long term illness, had a to quit a job for the first time, got homesick for the first time...there's been a lot of bitter to go with the sweet. After surveying this year, deciding how shitty it was...I think I'm finding myself looking at a better future.

I prayed for the first time in a very long time yesterday. I've come back to terms with my faith in God, not necessarily that He will do things that will benefit me but that what choices he makes are for the greater good. Still not a big believer in the New Testament, but I'm down with the idea of a divine mover. I'm finding myself allowing myself to love, allowing myself to love my parents and be open with them. I have been able to tell myself that I love Kristen. Whether or not that's true, I'm not concerned with at the moment...I just can't tell her that.

This year I leave behind the superstitions and fears of last year that controlled me. I will shoot for what I want and I will get it, aiming higher than I can so that I'm left with the best possible option. I will love with all my heart, sing with all my voice, dance until I can't anymore. That is. Dance forever, because I will always be able to dance.

I want to write, I want to read, I want to create. I want my art to be noticed, I want my art to represent me. I will go see movies I want to see even if alone and I will eat the foods that make my body happy for once. My "whatever I want" policy no longer applies as I, for the first time, want to live. I love life and realize I only have one to live, so I may as well make the best of it.

This is my new years...hope. Not a resolution, because resolutions are in stone. Hopes are there should they become realistic.

Here's to 2008. Let's hope it works.